What if the world could hear our conversations?
“Do you think relationships should be treated like an investment?” He casually asked.
“It is, to some extent, an investment of time, energy, and resources. Shouldn’t you devote that to someone who can offer what you deserve?” I responded.
While he understands that human relationships require a degree of give and take, he despises the way our world has transformed the foundations of romance from genuine connections to calculative interactions. “The essence of emotional connection is lost — people search first based on superficial criterions before allowing their hearts to speak,” he argued.
“But without some calculations, we may fail to deserve what we are worth,” I exclaimed. “I’ve heard of many people who fail to appreciate their partners, regardless of how beautiful and intelligent they are. So, at times, we must set clear standards to receive the treatment we deserve in line with what we can offer.”
“Worth? Offer? Why do we talk about measuring a person’s value? Why isn’t every human just valuable as they are?” He questioned. “I think that capitalism has eroded human dignity. We are dynamic beings; we change over time. A beautiful and intelligent woman won’t always be easy, but that doesn’t make her any less — it’s simply part of who she is. And she deserves to be understood, too.”
To him, everyone has their quirks. And I suppose he is right; we are humans, not commodities. The good in us is intertwined with the bad, much like yin and yang.
“Some men desire a woman with exceptional qualities, but expect her to be unchallenging, silent, and displayed like a trophy. When she starts to use her mind and overthink things, she’s suddenly seen as difficult. But it’s entirely human to have baggage at times. This is why emotional connection is important in any relationship — it allows partners to handle each other’s struggles,” he explained. “Treating relationships as investments is flawed — you can’t always expect a return, nor are you prepared to handle the losses,” he concluded elegantly.
It’s unfortunate that these intimate conversations with him will never reach the ears of others, I thought, feeling blessed and apalled to have a partner of such depth.
We live in a world where every interaction is analysed, every gesture scrutinised.
The magnitude of a relationship is often measured by the explicit ideograms of success rather than the invisible threads of emotional and spiritual connection. Couples are dissected based on how well they fit into predefined societal moulds. Is he wealthy enough? Is she well-connected? Do their academic credentials match? Is she pretty enough for him? Is his physique good enough for her? These questions, while seemingly pragmatic, miss the essence of what it means to truly connect with another human being.
Without an inexplicable emotional bond, every gesture in the name of love devolves into mere calculation. An equal 50–50 partnership is ideal, but meaningful relationships can also thrive in 60–40, 30–70, and other dynamics, especially when one is struggling to meet halfway.
I now find myself in reflection: Is love reserved only for those who are whole? Is it solely for those who meet society’s ideals of gods and goddesses? Isn’t love about mutual growth? Isn’t there value in sparing effort, time, and resources for our partners? Is it naive to believe in someone’s potential? Is it unrealistic to commit to traversing life’s highs and lows together?
Perhaps, if I’m taking that reflection personally: Does my partner’s height really matter? Does the challenging journey to complete his Masters Degree deem him less worthy? Does it matter that I’m still figuring out my future? Isn’t it worth considering that our love has grown from shared diasporic backgrounds, trail of thoughts, and the comfort we find in our midnight conversations?
Has love become a commodity?
To answer this question is to challenge thousands of years of human existence. Marriages have historically been rooted in money, power, and glory — and it works! I don’t think such an approach will ever be outlived. However, as one of the most intelligent species on this planet, I question whether humans can rise above our instinctual attraction to what is on the surface. Shouldn’t we use our abilities to transcend normality?
Believe me, it’s not as idealistic as it sounds.
When I chose to be with my partner, I certainly considered many practical factors. However, beyond the extensively ticked boxes — his intelligence, deep thinking, empathy, and numerous other qualities that a Medium article can’t fully capture — I also thought about how to avoid potential heartbreak, much like an investor or business owner seeks to avoid losses.
I realised that this is where emotions come into play. To ensure a lasting and regret-free relationship, I must truly love him — not just for his ideal qualities by worldly standards (or, as my Indonesian readers might say, bibit, bebet, bobot), but also for his human imperfections.
But loving our partner’s imperfections is not the only thing that’s easier said than done.
Many of my girlfriends search a man’s surface before committing. (I don’t blame them; we were raised to protect ourselves from horrible men.) Unfortunately, these considerations now extend beyond wealth, connections, bloodlines, or physique to whether he can love her more than himself, mistakenly believing this provides ‘security.’ This act commodifies love, turning it into something bought with the promise of security, without regard for whether the affection will ever be mutual.
Security should be a basic expectation. Everyone should be able to love without fearing betrayal from the person they trust with their heart. It’s heartbreaking that many people sacrifice their true emotions for the sake of a “safe bet.” I don’t believe it’s fair to be with someone merely because they are a secure option, nor do I want to be seen as a safe wager myself.
This leads us to the question:
Should love and pain be in two sides of the same coin?
Much like everything else that is intertwined in the world, to love deeply is to open oneself up to pain. Yet, with so much pain of the past, humanity has slowly adopted a protective stance, normalising a love that is restrained and cautious. For those who have endured such trials, know that I do not blame you for choosing to put your guards up! I am sorry someone has hurt you deeply enough for you to take such a route. I pray that over time, you will come to realise that not everyone is whole every day, including yourself; and that is okay. It is no excuse for anyone to give up on you.
As for my partner and I, we’ve chosen to mutually commit to navigate the heavens and abyss together. And if we are ever to be separated by the course of time, it would only mean that we have loved and lost. We can still carry this love with us as we pursue our own paths in the world.
So, if our story were unveiled to the world, this is what they should see.
They should see a man who protected a woman — body and soul — as she slowly slipped into drunken oblivion.
They should hear him say, “Don’t be too hard on yourself, you’re an amazing person,” to the girl whose backbone is made of glass; and hear the laughter as friendship blossoms.
They should taste his appreciation as she cooks meal after meal for him, and the salty air as they guard their hearts from sinking too deep by the beach in Burleigh.
They should witness two young minds unite in conversations about capitalism eroding love, politics, the digital divide, and the relevant irrelevance of history.
They should observe her staying awake all night helping him complete his degree, and him cradling her to calm when her anxiety storms.
They should sit in quietude as she hums to the tune of Etudes and Sonatas he plays on the piano by the gardens, or watch as his eyes light up at the sight of her excitement in every bookstore.
They should stand in wonder as their timelines merge and lives resonate to the rhythm of their growing heartbeats.
They should feel the curiosity, misgiving, and mindfulness as two mortals lay their hearts bare, risking it all to become one.
To end…
In a world where love is often quantified by constructed metrics, we’ve chosen to bear in our hearts the intrinsic value of emotional connection. It is in our belief that true love shouldn’t be gauged by superficial checklists and societal expectations alone; rather, it should thrive on mutual growth, understanding, and the willingness to face life’s challenges together, too.
Our story, though private and deeply personal, allows me to reflect on the enduring power of love that goes beyond what the world sees. To me, this is love, in its purest, most unadulterated form — a bond that defies logic, a connection that enriches our very existence.
